Confusion and Cheesecake

Yesterday was a rather eventful day. I went for a walk downtown-don't worry, it was during the day-and decided to stop for a cup of tea and a scone, while waiting for my order I noticed that the latest STAR had been released and decided to buy a copy. It was a very interesting article, I didn't know that so much was going on with other celebrities. Well, Chad and I were featured in the gossip section and there was a reference to him being "The Player". I was shocked, it was all so confusing. I mean, I really like Chad, I do and it's pretty obvious-since I'm such a bad actress when it comes to hiding my feelings and I thought that we were getting along great, but now...I wonder if he's just using me...toying with me until something better comes along. It's not even fair to say that he's toying with me as we've only been on one date and haven't even kissed, so perhaps I'm overreacting and he sees me as just a friend *sigh* It was so confusing that I just sat in the cafe and cried (thankfully not noisely).

I tried to discreetly ask Chad about the magazine's claims and he said that he simply flirted and dated a lot while in college and on the set of Arrendale Heights, which doesn't seem that bad to me. It's not as if he were in a committed relationship and cheated. However sometimes I feel like this naive little girl interested in this sauve 'Don Juan'-I feel that there is no way for me to win (ha! as if this were a game!) honestly, I'm confused. I don't want to come on too strong with the whole relationship aspect and yet, I do want him to know that I'm not interested in being one of his playthings. oooo...he better not think I'm a plaything!

Times like this make me long for a mother, or at least a sister to give me some advice. Someone who knows more than I do about these relationship and romance things. I mean...I think that I may love him, then at other times I'm so scared...I want to hide under a rug. Thank goodness I'm not playing opposite of him in the show, that would be awful! I'd be even more confused than now!

I've been pretty busy today, finalizing the desserts and calling rental places to rent some tables and chairs. I want to have the garden decorated in an enchanted fairyland, with lights in the trees, glowing tables of food, plenty of room for conversations and champagne. Hihi, it seems as if I am planning my wedding, but it is my first party. It's going to be cocktail attire, Josie is helping me shop for a dress this afternoon, normally I would ask Alexis, but she's at home with her twins, besides she might be busy explaining the photo that appeared in STAR.

until next time